Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Oooo I'm leavin', On a Midnight Plane to Oregon...


After enduring a toddler (not my own) crying for over an hour, I was finally falling asleep. His cyclical high pitched screams had died down and I was at that state where everything one thinks makes perfect sense to oneself. You know what I'm talking about. That part when you start thinking that if you put your shoes on backwards and eat gingersnap cookies that the crumbs might fly out the window and fall into a perfectly good tart pan for dessert with the wiggly leggy guys from the muppets, and, "Uh huh, I'm not asleep. I'm listening to you."
That's a good moment.
I'm breathing heavy and I feel something moving against my feet. Not thinking too much, I push it back. But it won't go back. It's being pushed up further.
The woman behind me had put her pillow under my seat, and then started kicking as far as it would go, until it was in my area.
Now, I think that this violates some major cardinal rules here, specifically Flying Commandment #8 which states: Thou Shalt Not Enter Other Passengers' Space With Anything Other Than the Back of Your Chair During Recline. This rule refers to putting your hands on the back of the chair to pull yourself up (unless you are less mobile, in which case you are forgiven), hanging your wrist over the armrest, keeping your knees off the back of the seat, and placing your feet in your 10 inch square area at all times.
Then the woman began to violate Flying Commandment #3: Talking Shall Be Kept to a Minimum to Establish Friendliness, But Avoid Life Long Friendships From Taking Place While at 30,000 Feet.
I've never been a talker on the airplane. I put the grim face on and hope that no one thinks I look approachable. I really don't understand having conversations on the airplane that last from 11 pm until 7 am.
This woman proceeded to violate Commandment #8 twice more: hanging on the back of my seat (while catching my hair in her obviously unfeeling hands), and kicking the back of my seat the second before I had drifted into sleep again, after deciphering the meaning for pen caps on permanent markers that have the little clip broken off, providing small animals a stick for digging.
In all truthfulness, she could have kicked my seat on purpose. Commandment # 11 states: "Thou Mayst Kick the Seat if a Dirty Look Doth Not Suffice." I can just picture her thinking, "Geez, that girl totally snores so loud."

3 comments:

Bekah said...

Everyone in our ward flies a lot and have a collection of horror stories. I was actually surprised by how forward they all were with the flight attendants, since I usually just suffer. On the other hand, once you start flying with kids, its usually you causing the people around you to suffer. How long are you going to be in Oregon? You won't still be there on Aug. 7 will you? We could give you your taiyaki pan.

Mariko said...

Dang. I won't be here. But I am totally paying shipping on it. Don't you worry. Even if it costs as much as the pan, because it's worth it.

Kaity DeMartini said...

I love your blog. You are hilarious and such a good writer.