Monday, May 11, 2009


My mom used to think that I would never get married because I was so feminist.
Now I've realized I'm not feminist, I just have a lot of self-faith, which is so different than self-confidence. Really, I'm sexist.
What she should have been worried about is me not having any female friends.
Last week when I watched my brother getting married off, I thought a lot more about sisters.
You probably know I'm not a sisters kind of person. I kind of avoid them, I think. Especially when they come knocking on my door and try to bring me cookies and teach me a lesson.
Usually I think, "The cookies can stay. Unless they have raisins or walnuts." Then I hope that we can quickly get through the part where we sit around and talk. That's probably why they bring cookies, 'cause otherwise I would feel less inclined to let them through the door.
Yes, I realize that this has everything to do with me, and nothing to do with them. I'm a complete idiot around most people. I get nervous, I laugh too much (Ok, so I do that anyway), and I am constantly looking for the next thing to say around people I don't know. My students who read this will probably be surprised when I say that women intimidate me. I mean, you bring a woman into my house, and I say, "AAAAAAHHHHH! Don't eat me!!!!!" and then I run away in fright, warning people all along the way. "There's a WOMAN in there! And she's got COOKIES! Run for your lives!"
Now you're thinking I'm a horrible, terrible person, but really! I'm not!

Okay, I am a horrible, terrible person, but not because of this. It has nothing to do with not liking those girls who come over and ask me about my week and teaching the gospel. It has to do with me rather jumped on by a person on a pogo stick than be in a situation where I have to talk to a female I don't know that well. I've always been insecure around most women, and I don't like the whole do-si-do.
(I also don't like how pretty they are, how nice they are, and how well-organized they are. Give me a sloppy, loud-mouthed guy over a woman.)
Let me clarify that I don't feel like I have to be better than them, and I don't think it's a competition, but I don't want to be the unwilling participant in the competition. Which, let's face it, happens. I'd much prefer to ponder over those dumb things I do, because they're way funnier.
I love the friends I have (and I have mostly female friends these days), and I'm skeptical of the ones I don't. I spend a lot of energy and time into my few friendships and I kind of just avoid new ones altogether. If I meet someone who I click with immediately, great, but otherwise I don't go out of my way.
I never wanted sisters. Really. I wanted older brothers. Loads of them. The kind that beat potential boyfriends up. Now, just try to talk your mother into producing some older brothers.
But actual honest-to-goodness sisters-in-law? Can't really say that. You're sort of stuck. (No pressure, Amanda.)
At least these sisters don't come to me with the baggage of annoying habits, and catfights, and gross boyfriends they thankfully didn't marry. Instead, they have that baggage with some other siblings, and I just get to cackle about it as if it were a funny memory, instead of a real and painful thing.
As sisters go, Jen and Jill are awesome. Jill helped me pick out some clothes for the wedding (which, I have to say, did not happen when I went shopping with my bro), indulged my dessert obsession, and helped me entertain Amaya even though she had plenty of entertaining to do on her own. Jen jumped at every chance to make my stay more comfortable, talked with me late into the night, and made me some yummy breakfasts. Can I say, too, that both of these girls are ridiculously positive? I mean, they were seriously affecting my negative vibe. I was even smiling some of the time I was in Utah.
I really enjoyed their company, and found myself wishing that I could have sisters around more often.
Kegan and my dad told me (am I breaking confidence here?) that Amanda was a little intimidated by me. I told Kegan, "Actually, I'm kind of flattered that she's intimidated," which he thought was mean of me to say. She really had nothing to worry about. I think she had me at "English Major." She's right though. I'm kind of mean.

I did leave cookies at her house. But they were Vegan. Would you run away?


Kristina P. said...

That's so interesting! I value my relationships with my girlfriends so much.

I sort of feel like I will feel intimidated by Crash. I have a feeling about it.

Damaris @Kitchen Corners said...

I need to hang out with Jill, she's so stylish. I need some tips.

I'm glad you don't have so many girlfriends that way we don't have to share you too much :)

You are a REALLY good friend. I'm sure you're the best sister-in-law ever.

Chowder said...

Hold on, wait, you were smiling???
I havent seen you do that since you took the last person's phone away.

And it's ok. I don't like most people either, especially girls my age. Can't stand em.

Mariko said...

Kristina: You will. You will. I do. It's hard to bask in someone's pure awesomeness. But P.S. I think I'd feel that way about you too.
Da: I feel lucky to have good girlfriends now. 'Specially you. I think that all my now girlfriends are sort of adopted sisters-in-law though, so maybe I've disguised the whole problem.

Chowder: Oh, yes. Girls your age? TERRIBLE.
Except you've got an especially good group in your class. Doesn't happen very often.

Heidi said...

Guys are definitely much easier to get along with than girls. There's no competition there . . .

Yesenia said...

I think you're awesome too. I really appreciate all the good advice you give me and for the laughs. Maybe I should go over there on a pogo stick with some delicious cookies! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

AMEN, Sistah! I mean Bruddah!

I especially don't love visiting sistahs. shhhh I didn't say that.

I hate it when those Utah girls mess with my negative vibe too.

Weird, your verifier says arysubli

That's four freakin' syllables.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Mariko, settle down. You're actually right on time. My birthday is today so no worries.

Unknown said...

Uh...I was going to say something here but I can't remember what it was...

I too prefer to be friends with boys cuz there is so much less drama but I do appreciate having some girl friends too. Thanks for being MY friend! It's nice to have someone to talk to in our little group. and afterwards!! I'm going to miss working with you...but not really at the same time. You know what i mean. ;D

ok all of this may not make sense cuz I'm super tired...see you later!!

Sylvia Louise said...

I was only moderately intimidated. It wasn't like breathe-in-a-paper-bag-and-sweat intimidated. I got over it.

Sisters are cool.