Friday, December 5, 2008

Cosmic Jokes

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

If you are offended by the "b" word, read no further. If you are, and want to pretend that you're too holy to read this post, but want to anyway, I won't tell anyone you're here. I promise there are no pictures.

I have always been completely happy with my A cup size. Enhancements? Reductions? Not for this girl. I enjoy running, and am so happy that I haven't had any chest pain associated with the up and down jostles of exercise.

Well, after I had Amaya, I had a natural enhancement. Like 5 sizes larger than I would have liked. Running did cause me pain, and I avoided certain movements.

Then I quit nursing. Joy of joys, I would soon return to my previous look, one that unmistakably says, "Girl," but not "moobs" or "stacked."

So the jostling of jogging and exercise returned. For some reason, the loss of elasticity in my body somehow dropped the fat to my middle, and I can see my gut more clearly than the area in between.
Plus I have a new problem, where my previous A cup is now unfilled. What do you do in such a case? Stuff? Less than an A is hard to find where I shop. If you look too closely at my shirt, the whole area just looks bunchy.

And here I am, with stretchmarks on my wall. Now that is a cosmic joke.

7 comments:

Kristina P. said...

OK, so you're talking about a COMPLETELY different B word than I was thinking of.

Damaris said...

there is a good reason why we all want to have sex when we're like 14 years old. It's because we have amazing bodies at that age and every guy and their dog wants us. There is also a good reason why they teach us in church to NOT have sex before we are married, because only our oh so sweet husbands would love us with out post postpartum bodies.

Having a sexy body after you have a kid is impossible unless you live in Brazil where plastic surgery is cheaper than buying groceries for the month.

If we were having his talk down in the southern part of the globe I would suggest some plastic surgery for your bobbies but since you are a sensible North American woman all I can really suggest is getting pregnant again so that your breast can get big all over again

Anonymous said...

can we talk more about the cheap implants in brazil? (:
"Nearly A" bra size is a problem that I am a little too familiar with.
i keep myself in check by envisioning a women's studies teacher with silicone boobs. i just can't be that person in 20 years. (: patria

Damaris said...

I totally agree with you Patria. I think plastic surgery is a bad aidea all around. I was totally kidding in my previous comment and Mariko knows it. Plus, silicone boobs looks totally nasty and well fake. The whole plastic surgery market in Brazil is a bit scary. Not because they do a poor job but because so many people want it.

Smiths said...

Micah's mom calls the physical changes to our bodies our life's story, and I guess stretch marks and don't tell such a bad story if you look at them that way. It gives a whole new meaning to "the fall".
I was joking around about getting boob job after I'm done feeding Eden (and I never would) to Micah and he suggested getting pregnant again. It dawned on me that both would result in boobs, surgery and pain. No thanks.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Cosmic Joke! hee hee. The universe is snickering at you.

And to make it funnier, here I am on a Sunday morning reading about the B word.

That cosmic joke, isn't very funny now is it? Outside the blog anyway.

supsymps: That's got to be short for supplement symptons.

And in fact your are showing signs of wanting supplements.

I hear ya, girl.

Robbie said...

If you're not quite an A, then what am I???? I know, I'm like the AAA size in the teen section! But I agree, I wouldn't want to be any different 'cause it's a lot less hassle. And I didn't have a hot body when I was 14 that guys just couldn't wait to get their hands on, so that saved me a lot of trouble, too!