The Look

Eyebrows

("What? Are my eyebrow hairs uneven?")

Beanie from Isaac Lee

Conversation between a first time waxer and a waxing eyebrow artist:

"I'll do that for free."

"What?"

"Your moustache. I'll do it for free."

See. My face IS hairy.

And yes, Wyatt noticed my eyebrows the SECOND he walked into class that day. And that they were uneven.

English? Directions? Courtesy? Not even a nod of acknowledgement.

New Eyebrows? This deserves some pointed discussion.

(im)Perfect Romantic Moments

I like to catalog romantic and wannabe romantic moments, and I thought, after Crash's fun first kiss comment box, that I have a good list to share.

After our first date (and I didn't know it was exactly a date, even though I dressed like it was), Jake walked me home and we stared awkwardly up in the sky while he told me he liked me more than just a friend. He was totally offended that I didn't respond, but I was kind of just drinking it all in. And guys, there were shooting stars. Obviously there was only way this could go.

There was also this one time that Jake and I were kind of standing very close face to face (well, more like face to torso), by the GCB, and he had his feet on top of my shoes, and I had my hands in my pockets, and then he reached out to me, and pushed me. Straight down. Like a punching dummy that doesn't come back up.

In "Only You", Robert Downey Jr. presents Marisa Tomei with these perfect shoes to go with her perfect outfit (Hey, it was the 90's, 'k? the outfit was perfect, and no one suspected him of being gay) and sends her off on a date with another man. He just looks at her closely with the eyes, and tells her that he hopes she will be happy. And then she leaves. What a wacko. At 13 I was ready to jump him.

In "Reality Bites", there's this dialogue that I just wanted to be a part of so badly. Winona: I was really gonna be something by the age of twenty-three. Ethan: Honey, all you have to be by the age of twenty-three is yourself. Winona: I don't know who that is anymore. Ethan: Well, I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again... But I love her. *kissing and cooking macaroni and cheese ensue

The best kisses are the always those ones that take people by surprise. If I run into one of those in a movie, if I can, I always rewind and watch it again. Grey's Anatomy is full of those.

After Nolan and I danced around each other for a couple of weeks, and then established that we liked each other (I was an insecure person, I made him say it really loud and clear before I gave any information up), we were on our way in to the movie theater and I turned and said, "So, uh, are we going out now?" He said [are you ready people?], "Yeah, sure."

The time Dan and I were running on the dock and he, while I was in mid sentence, picked me up and jumped in the water, I thought, "Now why couldn't this have been a romantic moment, rather than just a plain old really annoying thing he just did so that I would have to run home with squishy shoes?" He told me that this was the kind of thing I'd look back on and laugh. Now, really. What kind of person tries to create memorable events?

After I broke up with Cody, and then he begged me to get back together with him and give him one more chance, and then settled for me waiting until the next morning, and then broke up with me 30 seconds later (I still contest that it was I who broke that off, and this is my blog, so that's what I say), he immediately asked me to kiss him for old times' sake (we'd dated a whole slew of weeks, mind you) in a pretty theatrical way, even sweeping his arms around and talking about our now 1 minute kaput relationship in a fond way. I guess I had a thing for people who worked to create memorable events.

And then there's Jack Bauer. He talks with that quiet, intense voice, and if you listen just right, it sounds like he's whispering sweet nothings to every person he talks to. "You're going to tell me where those bombs are, or I will kill you." That's hot. Totally. 24 hours of perfect romance.

Nope, just a little full in the belly

Student: "Miss, are you..."
Me: "What?"
Student: "Nevermind."
Me: "Oooookay...." walking away
Student: "Miss, are you pregnant?"

Every person who sees Amaya: "Oh, she's so big! Getting ready for a little brother are we?"

Every person who sees me: "How many kids do you have now?"

Every person I want to kick in the shins: "Congratulations!"

This, of course, increased significantly after I lost 10 lbs.
Is it any wonder that I absolutely do NOT want to get pregnant right now?

Dinner

What Amaya's been saying lately:

"I eating cat food, Mommy. Look! Like goldfish!" (the crackers)

"I eating Polly Pocket, Mommy. Yum yum."

"I have money." (what she didn't add, "in my mouth.")

Then, during dinner, several days in a row:

"NO! NO! I don't want it!"

"Ugh. That's rubbish."

"Yuck. I want to spit it out."

I think she's figured out that I'm developing a complex over this.

At 3 am

So some certain someones (what a nice alliteration, ya think?) were talking in my room (ahem, I mean, in the next room, but their little voices were in my room because of my poor decrepit and paraplegic walls-- this is not to say that paraplegics are decrepit, just that my walls are because they flake dust all over the house and I have to wear slippers all the time and worry about breathing it in my lungs) at 3 or 4 am, and after they decided to quiet down (still love you guys) I was left to my thoughts.
Why are thoughts so LOUD when you're trying to go to sleep?
This is what I typically think about at 3 am:

I did not pay my car insurance bill that was due on January 1st.

WHY did I not PAY my CAR INSURANCE BILL?!?!?!?

I cannot believe I did not pay my car insurance bill!!!!!

I should get up right now and pay it. They are probably going to charge me at least $60 for not paying it on time.

I should make up a really sad story about the flood and how I could not find my car insurance bill so I totally forgot to do it.

This is not entirely true. Hmmm.

Will I go to Hell if I tell them this, even though I thought about it several times before January 1st and just thought, "Oh, whatever, I'll do it when I have some time"?

I probably won't go to Hell if I just tell them that I've been stressed out since the flood, and imply that I did not know where the actual bill was located, 100%. I mean, it was somewhere on the shelf in my living room, but I'd have to look for at least 30 seconds before I found it. It's not like I just SAW it on my to do list. But then again I don't have to do lists. I just rely on my increasingly awful memory to pay bills. On sort of time, lately.

Okay, so I'll just get up really really early, and call them, and be really nice about it.

AUGH. I cannot BELIEVE I did not PAY my CAR insurance bill.

I should think about something else. This is not helping me fall asleep.

Wait a sec. Did I pay my credit card bill?

I am going to kill myself. God, I promise to pay my bills on time forever and ever after if you just click your little button up there that says I paid my credit card bill on time. I mean, I totally have the money. You can do that, right?

SIGH. I just have to think of something else.

Man, I really really hope no one ever decides to try to kidnap Amaya. That would be SOOOOO scary. What would I even do if that happened? It would probably happen while I was watching her, and everyone would blame me. But I totally would not mean for that to happen. God, I promise to watch Amaya every second of my life as long as you protect her from being kidnapped. Probably what would happen is she would walk away from the house and someone would pick her off the highway, and I'd be running around Pam's house yelling for her and have no idea what is going on.

Yes. I totally do think of this. All. Night. Long. Or at least until 6:15 am, and then Amaya wakes up at 6:30 am for her milk.

So what was the last thing I actually thought before I fell asleep?

Hmmm. When am I supposed to have my period? Am I late? What day is it?

I tell you, if I get pregnant the second I finally make it to my pre pregnancy weight after this awful hideous gosh darn diet, this would so just be a kick in the balls.

God, I promise not to kick anyone in the balls as long as I get to enjoy being normal size for at least a month. I think that promise also includes your help in losing 7 more pounds. Thanks.