2 and 7/8ths year old senses

Taste: Mama! This is Yogurt Flavor! (upon tasting a pina colada popsicle)

Smell: Mmmm. Lemon. (upon smelling a plumeria)

Hear: Me: "Amaya, while I'm in the shower, do NOT run outside."

Amaya: Looking around.

Me: "Amaya, did you hear me? What did I say?"

Amaya: "Ummmmm. You said because I was naughty."

Me: "Noooooo, I said, don't run outside while I'm in the shower."

Amaya starting to walk away.
Me: "Amaya, WHAT did I say?" I grab her and make her look at me in the eyes.
Amaya: "Um, you said.... Mommy, what did you say?"

Me: "I said, 'Don't go outside while I'm in the shower. Don't go outside. Don't go outside."
Amaya: "Oh."

Me: "What did I say?"

Amaya: Long pause. "I don't know."

Me, thinking I need to take a different approach, "Amaya, you can't go outside because I am in the shower and I'm afraid you will run away. I can't chase you while I'm in the shower. Don't go outside."

Amaya: Silence

Me: "Ok, Amaya. What did I say?"

Amaya: "Ok."

Me: "NO, what did I say?"

Needless to say, this went on for several more interchanges, at which point I figured that she must know, just not telling me. So I took a shower. Guess who had to go out in her towel to find out if her daughter had been kidnapped?

And yes, she can open locked doors.

See:

Me: "Amaya, what color is this?"

Amaya: "Um, G."

Me: "Well, this is a G right here." pointing at a G. "What color is it?"

Amaya, pointing to the G: "G!" Then points to another 'G'.

Me: "Ok, good job. This is a G." switching cards, "Amaya, what color is this circle?"

Amaya: "Red."

Me: "No. This is blue. What color is this circle?" (pointing to the same circle)

Amaya: "Green."

Me: "No. This is blue. Ok, what color is this square?"

Amaya: "Red."

Me: "No, it's green." Switching cards back to the first one. "Amaya, can you point to the G?"

Amaya: "Blue" she says while pointing to the 'O' which is orange.

Me: "Ok, not the color. I want you to point to the 'G'. Remember? Where is it?"

Amaya: "Right here."

It's an L.

Touch:

Anyone who doesn't have kids doesn't realize how much physical affection you get from them. It's probably the best thing about having a kid. You think you get enough from your other relationships, but you don't. Amaya gives long hugs and cuddles. There's nothing like having a toddler.

I will be so sad when she's a big kid who doesn't need that anymore. I guess I will never be a big kid.

A Crucial Conversation

I just finished reading Crucial Conversations: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High and All Jokes Aside (AJA), this book is going to change my life.

I mean, it already has, but it is going to change how my life is going to change from now on. And yes, I have used the techniques in this book many times already. I'm not saying I've mastered it, but I've done much better at discussing emotionally charged issues since I've started. I would have to say this is the first book of this kind (self-help?) that I've read, ever. My dad sent me the book and I know he uses it because he is really good at discussing with people about sticky subjects. The main point though, that I got from the book was, "You can change how YOU act in a crucial conversation. Don't walk into a situation thinking you are going to get exactly what you want."

In case you don't have time to read this book, I have cleverly devised a summary scenario containing the main ideas.

You are supposed to use these techniques when you communicate with someone about a crucial subject. These can be used in any environment, and even with seemingly inane individuals. The whole point of this is to work out solutions and to avoid "silence" or "violence" types of responses, which is what usually happens in the cases of crucial conversations.

1. Communicate your facts and Tell your story. Start with the facts of the situation (your evidence to show what you've observed) and explain what conclusion this has led you to. This is to clear up when you have come to a conclusion about someone's actions so that they don't feel like you've made a villain out of them. It also helps you to realize that there may be many reasons that people act the way they do, and you can't just expect the worst.

Example: Jane: Every time I pass by your cubicle, you look at me up, down, and sideways, and you leave me out of the conversations when you go out with your snotty boyfriend, so I'm beginning to think that you don't trust me. Is there something I'm not seeing here?

2. When the response is in silence or violence, build safety to bring out more information.

Example: George: "Oh, so you think I never do anything around here. Whatever. Just send me the bill."
Jane: "It seems like that isn't okay with you. I see that your face is twisted and your left eye is twitching. Could it be that you are being sarcastic because you think I am insulting you? I am not trying to make you feel like your mother, I just want to make sure that we get to have a vacation that everyone is happy with."

3. After all the meaning is flowing into the shared pool, make a decision, make people responsible for their tasks, and follow up.

Jane: "So now that we know that you would prefer to have a dog because you are trying to reclaim your lost childhood pet, we will have a working prototype ready to go through debugging by May 1st, and Stan is in charge of notifying me of any issues."
Stan: "Wait, I wasn't here when we voted!"
Jane: "This decision was made by consult only, and we don't have time for full consensus. We only use voting when those involved don't mind either way things turn out."
George: "Thanks for listening to me. I really feel better now and that we can trust each other to communicate all the issues we're facing."
Jane: "Great. This may be a good time to discuss those pants you always wear when we visit my mother."

Now and Later

Now:

"Mama, can I go to the beach with Mikey?"

"No, honey. We're leaving in half an hour."

"NOOOOOOOO! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BEEEEEACH!"

Tantrum, fits, and screaming ensue.

Later:

"Mom, can I go to the beach with Mikey?"

"No. You're not allowed to go to the beach alone with a boy."

"You are the worst mother ever! YOU are ruining my life!!!! You never let me do anything!"

Tantrum, fits, and screaming ensue.

The only difference? Later, she won't want me to hug her while she's having her tantrum.

Sigh.

p.s. Isn't it funny how kids seem to resort to stereotypical movie like statements when faced with this problem? Their rage so stifles their creativity.

Sweet and Sour

Amaya came in to wake me up and said, "Momma, you're the best."

I swear I did not train her to say that.

Amaya constantly says "I love you" to me. I know she says it to a few other people too, but I like to think she means it especially much when she says it to me.

After she begged me to open a banana for her, for about 20 minutes of constant nagging. Amaya is the great fruit fake-out queen (oh, it's a title, trust me) and will almost inevitably not eat whatever fruit you willingly give her.

Finally I opened it up. She pulled a chunk off, brought it to her lips, and did not take a bite. Not even a little bite. She put the banana on the counter.

7 time outs later, I'm taking a picture of her miserable self, a hostage at the kitchen table, holding a banana and saying, "I don't WANNA take a bite of banana! I don't Yike it!"

I truly think she believed at that moment that she was having the worst day of her life.

Don't you wish this was your worst day? Being forced to take one bite of a banana?

Epiphaniacal

Guys, I don't come up with these realizations very often, so don't laugh.

I realized today: it's hard to do things sometimes.

And then a little later I realized: it's hard to do hard things.

Then in between bites of my 2nd bowl of carb loaded pasta: it's hard to do hard things for extended periods of time.

Now that is deep.

For example, I did my P90x workout plan faithfully for 5 weeks and ate vegan for 40 days (okay, so I missed 2 days). Then I had a crazy week getting ready to leave for a week, then I leaved for a week, and then I had to recover from leaving for a week. [okay, so I have to insert here, I did not lose a POUND during this 5 weeks of intense workout, so maybe I didn't feel very much motivation to continue. I think I did gain a little arm muscle, which has promptly left me, the cad.]

Now I'm like, "Workout? Um, I can't really think right now. I need to eat a bowl of ice cream to clear my brain."

Part of me would love to see Tony Horton just break down and gain 50 lbs, and the other part of me would think: "Man, that sucks." Because as I said, it's hard to do hard things, for a long time.

That's like, triple hard.

I know people would say, "Well, moderately hard things are easier to keep up," but I'm pretty sure that's not true either. Moderately hard things seem as hard to do for me as hard things. Actually, if it's a moderately hard thing, I think, "Oh well, it's not like that was going to do me much good anyway." I'm way more likely to not do it.

Yes, I know. I have the willpower of a human. The weak kind.

p.s. When I was looking for the picture for this post, I found Tony Horton's BLOG! Weird. And guess what he says: Make a plan, stick to the plan and do it... forever!

I'm pretty sure he's an alien. Evidence? Those cheekbones. And the fact that he can do one arm pushups. And probably because he wrote disdainfully about the foodporn industry.