Monday, November 10, 2014


This is about to sound like bragging, but wait around, the self-deprecation is on its way.

I get a lot of people praising me for my competence. This is because I know how to:

  • internet
  • read on-line tech forums and use their solutions
  • turn computers off and then on again (90% of all tech problems)
  • tell the difference between Chrome and Internet Explorer
  • not click on pop ups telling me I have 4,233 viruses
  • take screenshots (wizardry!)
  • cancel print jobs
  • Pay attention to time zones for East Coast tech support and keep myself busy while being on hold for long periods of time
  • call the guy who actually knows how to fix stuff
Basically, because I dink around, people just assume I'm really good at things. This is like the greatest farce known to woman. The main tech and I laugh about this all the time, so it's not exactly a secret, but it is hilarious to me how often these "skills" come in handy. 

Sometimes I come across skills that other people have easily picked up and I feel in awe of most other humans because I never did figure that out. Internet tutorials have not helped me much. 

My incompetence includes:

  • Proper eyeliner application and its accompanying terms 
  • Getting to places on time.
  • Taking care of stuff that isn't on fire.
  • Avoiding long explanations where simple ones are sufficient.
  • Using a calendar and to-do list properly.
So I don't get how people who are able to do these things are so bad at telling me what model of printer they have over the phone. 

Really, which one of these should be highly valued? Definitely the second list deserves praise. 

So I applaud you, on-time and succinct, fine-eyed people. You're real American heroes. I am going to make little signs for you to help you through the rest of it.

"Remember, a download of that Coupon Clip Toolbar is an evening of money saving bliss to a slow-boot morning of regret."

"You'll never get where you're going using that Internet Explorer icon."

"Keep Calm and Carry On and Never Click Those "WaRnInG! Your Files are Exposed!" Messages"

"You can do anything! Except update your Java version." *

"Dare to be an individual. Google that shtuff."

"Yes. Yes, you CAN (check to see if your power plug is actually connected to the wall)." 

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right [that printers won't work with paper jammed inside there]." --Henry Ford

*if you are not a teacher, this probably makes no sense, but our attendance program does not work on current versions of Java, so I spend 90% of my time telling people to ignore Java updates and uninstalling them.

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