I would change a few things.
1) Gum would have the Surgeon General Warning: “Gum Chewing causes spit transfer, poor taste and may cause you to look like an annoying 13 year old while causing the sidewalk look 30 years older than it really is.” Mint gum would have a further warning: “Keep at least 3 feet away from any other consumables as they will be tainted with synthetic mint flavor.”
2) Girls would buy THIS instead of the more common option. Because it is one billion times better.
4) I would put scientists on a mission to make carbs slimming.
Everyone would love me. Except the gum chewers. And Tom Cruise.
(But later, they’ll thank me.)