Thursday, May 20, 2010

Wimp

When I got pregnant this time, I thought, “This time I won’t be paranoid, because I’ll know what to expect.”

Well, this one doesn’t know how to stay with the program. Everything has been different.

At 29 weeks I’m having, what I’m assuming, are crazy braxton hix that make me feel like my stomach is just going to squeeze itself so hard that the entire bubble will fold in on itself. Oh, and they hurt. Like, are painless contractions supposed to hurt?

This has been happening for about 4 weeks, and everything is fine with the baby, so I know I’m just paranoid. I keep telling myself to get through until the end of school, but we all know I’ll probably go two weeks over my due date anyway.

Mostly I just know I’m a total wimp when it comes to pain. I’ve been reading books on the Bradley method and the whole thing is just freaking me out. People say, “Oh, you forget the pain.”  But no. I don’t. Every dream I’ve had this week has been about labor.

Jake showed up after his swim today with the gnarliest blue bubble sting ever. It looked like the king of blue bubbles wrapped around his body about 30 times. I swear. He looked like a burn victim. At least half of his body was completely covered in huge, puffy lines of welts—torso, arms, face, hands, legs, feet. Thank goodness he doesn’t swim in the nude. He wouldn’t let me take a picture.

Looking at it was like watching a horror movie. So hard to look at. So hard to look away.

I asked him, “Does it hurt?”

“Mostly itchy.”

Sheesh. I can’t figure out if he has no nerve endings, or if I just have pain so rarely that I cringe at the first tinge.

Can you imagine if I was in labor and the doctor came in and asked, “Are you in pain?”

“Mostly itchy.”

Wouldn’t I just be the biggest bad a** around?

8 comments:

Damaris said...

yes you would. You should totally use that line even if you're sedated with an epidural and the doc isn't even thinking about asking you this question. Then again epidurals does kindda make me feel itchy but I take itchy over pain any day.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Wimpy is a relatiave term. I have a sister with 6 children. She happened to be living in Taiwan when she gave birth to #5. She said it was so weird how quiet the labor and delivery section was--these women didn't moan and groan at all. She dared to make one little whimper and the nurse patted her arm and said, "You must be brave!". Meanwhile, I am pretty sure there are countries where the women scream like banshees during delivery. Either way you slice it, it's hard work, it hurts and it's not fun. Thank goodness it's worth it!

Mariko said...

I was being completely unaware of all of my actions and the nurses acted like I was a bother. Irritating. I should have screamed like a banshee!

Masayuki said...

I remember a story very similar to this, that had some pictures of Jake with some blue bubbles. How much worse is this one? Tell Jake I said Hi. We're excited to see you guys.

Mariko said...

This is like that blue bubble sting times 30. It's unbelievable how bad it was. I was like, "A lesser man would die from that."
I can't believe he wouldn't let me take pictures. He'll probably have some scars to show for it.

a mermaid said...

come to the party! come! please? we ARE bff now. you must attend all of my mixers (cuz i have SO MANY of them.....) BUT STILL -COME!

sienna said...

yikes. i can still remember a few of my more painful blue bubble stings. the hypnosis really does work, although you have to believe in it. cause it's all mental. part of it is just telling yourself that you are strong and that you can handle it.

Melinda said...

that blue bubble sting sounds horrific. the words blue bubble sound funny. i'm sure jake would take labor pains like a trooper.
may i request you posting some pregnancy photos? i haven't seen you pregnant before. and if i have, cause i have a memory like a sieve, i want to see it again. please? jake, get the camera and do me a favor.
b'sides we ARE bff now.